hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
