why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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