if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
