why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He did a backflip because drugs
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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