YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
