My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
