Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
