The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize