I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
You were trust falling into bushes
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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