i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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