420 ftw
wakey wakey hands off snakey
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
