All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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