he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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