you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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