I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
