If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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