quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
