How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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