He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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