In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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