They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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