it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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