well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
