Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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