i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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