She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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