You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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