This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
