Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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