he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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