You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
