Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
