one might say we're banned from that church
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
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The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
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You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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