im six kinds of drunk right now
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
