the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
