And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
