I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
