john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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