apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
