I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
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I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
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Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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