Where are you?
In a non slutty way
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
