After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
