I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Randomize
