Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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