im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
