My entire life is one complicated drinking game
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
