Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
