I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
