so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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