Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.