god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking