You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC