Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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