u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
