I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
