It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
