Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
