I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
