is your mom at the bar?
plz talk dirty to me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I have aggressive nipples.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
