It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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