I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
