he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
