i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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