you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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