sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
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